Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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