I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
