You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
