So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
