If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
