He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
