He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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