Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
