dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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