I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hippo gnu deer
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
