i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
