party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
