we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.