Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off