winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail