So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
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I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.