The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
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If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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