What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
