And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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