6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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