I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
