There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize