some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
