Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
