You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I love having hate sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
