All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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