thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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