I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
