Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
