i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
