just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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