You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize