I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
