she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
