Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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