omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
