She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
