I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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