After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
