It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
