He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
