so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
