So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
