the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
