i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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