Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
