he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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