I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
