my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
