i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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