Will you blow on my dice?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
