its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
