i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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I think weed is turning my hair brown
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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