the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
did i just pee glitter
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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