he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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