Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
