i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
