I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
