you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
