Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
