I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His hands were made for my vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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