am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
