If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
