i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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