Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
